Rock Hill, SC – Cheerful, Darla Stephens bounced into Amelies French café on Monday morning to order her daily cup of Joe and French pastry when to her horror overheard what appeared to be Progressive Blue Grass music over the café’s speakers. “I began to faint at the paradoxical mix of cultures and immediately darted out in confusion and dismay,” commented Ms. Stephens.”
This scene has been observed repeatedly as customers have begun to assemble in protest. “This is a horrific attempt at Amelies to embrace such a rigid genre of music, and we demand a return to the Classical and Smooth Jazz we once enjoyed at Amelies,” commented patron Jonna Mindbogger.
Attempting to attract millennial barefoot hipsters skulking about the streets of Rock Hill enjoying the Winter warm weather spell, Amelies manager Jacques Pierre last week decided to blare the jazz and rock infused bluegrass music to the familiar walker byes.
York Tech Business instructor Clayton Baxter considers the abnormality a business move similar to Progressive Insuarance’s marketing of Flo. “Her character is so hideous, we just have to pay attention to her. However, the move backfired in a small community like Rock Hill. Hopefully, the Charlotte Amelies will not make the same mistake.”
Rock Hill police were on scene to arrest protestors as smooth jazz and classical music lovers were blocking the front door and cutting off locks from the bars outside the downstairs walkway. Other businesses began closing doors when a classical pianist put on a black hoodie and started throwing chairs.
“It’s the end of culture as we know it,” noted Baxter. “A sad time liken to the French revolution. I hope the violence stops there. We know of course know what happened in that revolution.”