Clinton College Self-Identifies as Top Seed and Advances to NCAA Basketball Tournament

Rock Hill, SC – The Golden Bears of Clinton College in Rock Hill will be trotting to Dayton Ohio next week to play the first game in the Division 1 NCAA Basketball tournament as their coach merely identified themselves into the tournament, according to NCAA coordinator Mort Bingsby. “We admit we are a small school, but we never let reality get in the way. We simply identified ourselves as a large school defeating large Division 1 schools placing us in the top seed for next week’s tournament against the best in the country.”

While approximately 10% of the school’s 143 students plays on the basketball team, by the magical process of simply identifying themselves as a Duke, or North Carolina, or a Kentucky, the NCAA were forced to grant their appliaction.

NCAA officials were caught off guard with the unusual request, but local organizers were frightened to deny the demand fearing demonstrations, changing of event venues, changing of state Governors, or any national embarrassment. “We don’t want to happen in these local communities where March Madness will occur with what happened in North Carolina over HB2.”

Fans are caught off guard as at least one school who earned their way into the tournament must be kicked out! “What were they thinking,” commented local fan John Beirsby, “did the people who approved this decision identify themselves as leaders to get this job?”

Nevertheless, this year’s tournament will be a shakeup. Some are wondering if even the referees for the game will be self-identified as officials lacking any actual experience, asked Beirsby.